REVIEW and HANG OUT
Ok, I will admit this right up front. This week has been very
hard to write and I have started it three times. Each time I approach this
week’s grief subject from another angle and it still feels more like I am
writing a text book than a blog. BLAH!! Grief has so many facets it is hard to
pin down and cover only one. Feelings bounce up and down leaving us feeling
more like a punching bag or a ping pong ball, up and down, back and forth;
never stopping then leaving us just plain beat up.
Our culture teaches us to bury our feelings with busyness
and preoccupation. There are times when burying it seems like the easy way to
deal with our grief. Galatians 6:7 us about burying seeds, it goes something
like this:
“you reap what you
sow”
Hummm so if I sow
grief, by burying it, what will I reap?? I have seen this harvest, it is anger,
depression, self-medicating with drugs or alcohol just to name a few. I do not
want my grief to haunt me years from now. God has given us a different way of
dealing with grief. Psalms 126:5 gives
us a better way to heal.
“Those
who sow with tears will reap with songs of joy.”
Sow with tears! This
is contrary to our culture telling us to burying the pain. When Jesus learned
of his cousin’s beheading (John the Baptist was beheaded by Herod) there were
people swarming to him. He tried to get away and rest by getting into the boat
and traveling across the lake. (Mark 6:12) They still found him and hemmed him
in as soon as he stepped ashore. He was kept busy until late into the night. He
fed them then immediately ordered the disciples to get into the boat and sent
them away. Jesus then dismissed the people and went away to the mountain to
pray. (Mark 6:46) He needed time to grieve, to review the loss and hang out in the
sad place. We do not know what exactly he did during that time for the next
time the disciples saw him he was walking on water. I don’t know about you but
when I spend time in my grief with God he meets me there and I walk away with a
fresh perspective. It looks like Jesus did the same after spending time with
His Father.
So what can we learn from this? Review the loss. Hang out in
the sad place letting the pain settle into the soul. Reflection and review is
needed to help the brain to adjust to the new reality. This takes time and
doesn’t happen just once. This week was one of those times of review and
reflection, hanging out in the sad places. Even after six years there are
moments where I just flat miss my children and feel the hole their deaths have
left in my heart. The further away from my loss the longer it is between these
times and the shorter the sad times last. I have found it healthy and healing
to stop and just “hang out” when the sad times come.
For the helpers: Please do not rush a person who is
grieving. You may want your old friend back. Please realize they have a new
reality to adjust to and grief does not have a time table. Be patient, be
present, be accepting.
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