I sit in my own living room this Christmas Eve looking at
the Christmas tree and listening to Christmas music. We are spending Christmas
Eve at home this year. We will attend our own church for evening service and
Abby with her husband of 3 years now host Christmas Day at their new home. The
three stuffed animals; a raccoon, a frog, and a husky will join us at her house
as well as three candles will be lighted. We still remember our children who
are not here to give gifts to but the memories are not piercing. The memories
are sweeter, salted with tears.
It has taken us quite a bit of time to reach this point. As
I look back over the last decade we have made a lot of changes trying out new
traditions to see which one worked best. Maybe it was more to see which ones
carried the least painful memories. We tried opening family presents on
Christmas Eve saving Christmas day for opening of presents with extended
family. This worked until Chris died on December 27th forever
changing Christmas.
The following year Scott, Abby and I decided we had to get
away for the entire week from Christmas Eve to New Years Day. We continued
opening presents on Christmas Eve but we spent Christmas Day skiing. Extended
family worked with us on this and we gathered on New Years Day for Christmas
present exchange. This seemed to take the brutal-ness out of the emotions. This
continued for three years before we eased back into a more normal Christmas
schedule.
We had to redesign Christmas annually and change things up.
Each year we re-evaluated what traditions had to be done, what could only be
done with help and which ones had to stay on the back burner for another year. We learned to be patient with each other and
considerate of their feelings.
Every grieving family needs to evaluate traditions for
themselves. Some families will change very little others will make dramatic changes
for a time and then revert back to close to how they used to be. Grief is
unique, families are unique, traditions are unique be gentle with each other
during this tender time.
God Bless you and keep you, may he shine His face upon you
and give you rest.
Have a Blessed Christmas.
Cari Zorno
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