Emotional TBI

Ever feel brain damaged?

Have you experienced a traumatic loss? It is a loss which leaves you feeling as though you just got kicked in the gut, the rug was pulled out from under you, suddenly there is now nothing under your feet, you fall not knowing if there is a bottom to this hole. It is the loss that blindsides. Yes, that kind of loss. This is the loss that disables your equilibrium and sends you into a tail spin. This is traumatic loss.

Have you ever wished there were words to explain what you are feeling to someone who has never experienced a deep loss? Me too, that is until I stumbled onto the answer in a very strange place, an Emergency Medical Technician refresher course. See I told you it was strange. The lecture was on Traumatic brain injury, the lecturer had a lot of hands on experience with TBI. He was the head doctor for the clinic at the bottom of a major ski area. He saw dozens of head trauma cases each day. As he spoke I realized most of the indicators associated with a traumatic brain injury were things I had experienced while grieving the deaths of my two middle children in a motorcycle accident. Could a traumatic brain injury be caused by an emotional event?

What I found was a real eye opener to me. The symptoms lined up easily; headache, confusion, and memory loss, inability to concentrate, difficulty learning and retaining new information. Why the similarities? I began researching the possibilities and found what I was looking for. In an emotional trauma such as a traumatic death of a close friend or loved one a chemical is released in the brain to stimulate the neurons to create new pathways around the traumatized region of the brain where memory is stored in an effort to restore normalcy and make sense of the new normal without the loved one.* (Alan Kirk & Steve King 2012) This is the same chemical process for a physical TBI

I am brain damaged. Yes I found we who are grieving a traumatic loss are brain damaged. This helps to explain why when I was deep in grief I was forgetful and could not concentrate. For adults it could be as little as miss placing a set of keys or forgetting what they went downstairs for. It could also be as serious as getting lost while driving in an area of town which is normally very familiar or driving emotionally distracted possibly causing an accident. When kids experience a traumatic loss the inability to absorb new information can be a great frustration unless they understand where it is coming from. The part of the brain most affected is the learning center. Teachers who lighten a school load while still keeping the stability of a schedule is helpful for them. Now we know we are not going crazy, we are just brain damaged. Efforts need to be taken to enable the restoration of the different normal. Keeping lists, using post-it-notes and having an up to date calendar for appointments are steps in the right direction. Early in grief it is also a good idea to have someone who is thinking clearly to drive you places.

You may be asking, how long will this last? Doctors have found what we used to call concussions are truly more serious than was first thought. A second head trauma too soon after the first can cause death. The current estimated recovery time is now to be thought 6 months to a year. If a concussion takes 6 months to a year what makes us think we can recover from the trauma of a death in a matter of a couple months. No, everyone’s time line for walking through grief is different. It does take longer than we expect. Grief is unique to the person and the relationship they had with the deceased. Time is an important factor in getting through grief not because time has any magic but because the Holy Spirit heals using time to create pathways for new memories.

So in your grief, be good to yourself, be gentle to those who are grieving around you. We are brain damaged. In a physical brain injury recovery never is to 100% of what once was. The same is true for grief, no one will return to 100% of their “old self”, no matter how much friends want them too, for a part of their brain has been damaged.  When someone walks with Christ through their grief they can actually become a better person, a more compassionate person. God works all things for good for those who love him and are called according to His purpose… to be conformed to the likeness of Christ. (Romans 8:28-29)

God does not cause bad to bring good but he does take bad things that happen and turn them for good, our good.