Grief Alert: Expect Aftershocks

The sun is high in the sky. I begin to think of what on earth we will have for dinner, if I don’t start thawing something out now it will not be ready to cook in in seven hours. I stick my head into the chest freezer down stairs and pull out a container of beef vegetable soup, “That will work great with some corn bread.” I say to myself as I walk past the corner of Scott's desk which I do a couple dozen times a day. As I head up the stairs I feel a wave of intense grief, “where did that come from? This was a good day.” By the time I reached the living room I am in full sobs, sobs which had come on so quickly my tears had not caught up. I barely set the soup on the counter before collapsing in a chair overcome by tears. What did I touch of the kids? What memory intruded? What did I see? Oh, it was the picture of Chris on the mouse pad on Scott’s desk. I remembered walking past the desk and looking directly at it but not really thinking anything in particular. It was really not more than a glance. 

The picture had triggered thoughts, memories, and the reality of our deep loss. It wasn’t anything I meant to do or not to do. It just was and I needed to stop and allow the feeling to finish its course. Attempting to put off the feelings would not be emotionally healthy. I need to grieve. 

Finally I was able to begin catching my breath. I am left with a headache, wet eyes, and my aching heart. Jeep rose from his napping spot of the Sun patch in the living room. He came up to me and laid his head in my lap, I reached down to scratch him. He hears my grief, does he feel my pain? Does he miss Chris too? Jeep was Chris’ dog and it meant a lot to me for him to approach while I'm crying. Dog therapy can be very comforting. I reach down and he looked up then began to lick the tears from my face. I guess God choose to use the jaw bone of an ass in Sampson’s hand to defeat the Philistines, he can use the tongue of Chris’ dog to wipe the tears from my eyes and accomplish His work. I chuckle and kneel down beside him giving him a hug Jeep and pat his side. I feel relief. The tears were a good relief valve for me.

I had been knocked off my feet by an aftershock. I was thrown to the ground unable to defend myself against the onslaught of emotions and thoughts.  

Aftershocks happen, it is a part of the grievers reality. They are unpredictable and often even scary for the emotions can be very strong. They are ‘normal’ and healthy for it forces us to stop and feel. 

Feelings need expression, expression is as unique as our grief for we are all individuals. For some it is tears, that would be me, others express their feelings creatively in writing, art or song and some it is expressed physically by running or maybe biking. Expressing feelings of grief may reduce the occurrences of aftershocks but nothing really keeps them from never happening.

 

Where is the strangest place you have had an Aftershock? Me, Sam's club produce. Please share yours.

 

Cari