Christmas Quandaries - Stockings

"What about Stockings?"

How many of us still dry our socks in front of the fire or wood stove? The number of homes with a fireplace is dwindling. Ok there are still some of us who live in snow country who heat with a wood stove and do hang stockings but we are small in number. No I am not talking about these stockings but the ones which are hung in hopes St. Nicholas will fill them.

Stockings are a long held tradition in our family and I get great pleasure filling them even for our married daughter and her husband. During our child rearing years I had four stockings to fill and now only one and her significant other, this may be why I still do it.

When the children were all here I would fill a stocking with an orange which would represent gold or success, or an apple representing health and nuts for hope. I would add a granola bar and box juice. The kids knew they were allowed to consume anything in their stocking before breakfast, giving me longer in which to make breakfast. Next would be socks which draped out the top and a small present such as the current matchbox car or jewelry. To finish it off I would hang a medium size candy cane. It was truly a work of art in which I took great joy creating.

Stockings were the first ‘present’ the kids could open till after the Christmas story was read and breakfast eaten. The memories around stocking stuffing and opening are very vivid for us.

When Josh, Beth and Chris were no longer celebrating Christmas with us but with Jesus we had to resolve;

“What do we do with the stockings?” 

We still hang all four, now five, stockings on the stair rail. We fill Abby and her husband Josh’s with the traditional fare but for Josh, Beth and Chris’ stockings we decided on a different kind of stuffing. We write notes to each of them each year. Some notes have stayed with the stockings when they are packed away for the other 11 months of the year. Other notes are read and put into keep sake boxes.

I get great comfort having the opportunity of writing the notes. Sometimes I tell them exciting things which happened during that year like if a friend of theirs got married or had a child. Other notes just tell them I love them and miss them.

Some years additional notes have appeared in the stockings written by others in the family or friends. In this way each of them is remembered in this part of Christmas. Their stockings are filled with the gold of love and letters of hope for we have the assurance of spending eternity with them. Eternity is a whole lot longer than the here and now.

“For God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten son that whosoever believeth on His name will be saved.” John 3:16

Do you still hang stockings? What do you fill them with?
 

Christmas Quandaries - the tree

The Tree

It is now the week of Christmas. Friends have been asking me what we have done to prepare our home for Christmas. I would like to share some of our new traditions in hopes they will help you during this bitter sweet time of the year.

It took two weeks to get our tree up and decorated because of our schedules but it now has a prominent place in our living room. It is adorned with glass heirloom ornaments and new sparkly ones. We have the handmade ornaments with pictures of the kids growing up and ones bought on family vacations to spark memories. The new tradition we brought to our tree are ornaments which represent each of our loved ones who are spending Christmas with Jesus. Josh has a soldier, Beth a snowboarder, and Chris has two – a camping tent and snowboard boot. When we hung these we told stories and shed a few tears. They are with us in our hearts as we look at our tree.

 

There are a myriad of stories depicting where the tradition of the Christmas tree began but I am taking the one our pastor told us as our own. The Vikings saw the evergreen tree as a symbol of strength. It survived the long, dark, cold winters. They brought this reminder into their homes. When things got really tough and they felt as though they couldn’t survive they would see the tree and remember to be strong.

What a great symbol for us who celebrate a ‘blue’ Christmas. Grief is similar to winter because it too is long, dark, and cold but God wants us to remember He is with us. Through Him we can be “strong and courageous’ (Joshua 1:9) while leaning on Christ. One reason He came was to “bind up the brokenhearted”. May you feel God’s strength wrapped around you this Christmas season.

What did you do differently with your Christmas tree to remember your loved one this year?

Christmas in Heaven

                                    CHRISTMAS IN HEAVEN
                                                   author unknown

                I see the countless Christmas trees around the world below,
                With tiny lights, like heaven's stars reflecting on the snow.
                  The sight is so spectacular; please wipe away the tear,
                For I am spending Christmas with Jesus Christ this year.

                 I hear the many Christmas songs that people hold so dear,

          But the sounds of music can't compare with the Christmas choir up here.
                   I have no words to tell you, the joy their voices bring,
                    For it is beyond description to hear the angels sing.

                I know how much you miss me; the pain within your heart.
                      But I am not so far away; we really aren't apart.
                 So be happy for me, dear ones, you know I hold you dear,
             And be glad I'm spending Christmas with Jesus Christ this year.

I sent you each a special gift, from my heavenly home above,
I sent you each a memory of my undying love.
After all, love is a gift more precious than even the purest gold.
It is always most important in the stories Jesus told.



 Please love and keep each other, as my Father said to do.
 For I can't count the blessings or love He has for you.
 So have a merrry Christmas and wipe away that tear.
 Remember, I am spending Christmas with Jesus Christ this year.

Grieve Well, Live Well week 8 No Other Gods

No Other Gods

Have you experienced a traumatic loss? It is that loss which leaves you feeling as though you just got kicked in the gut, the rug was pulled out from under you and you find there is now nothing under your feet; you fall not knowing how far the bottom is beneath you. It is the loss that blindsided you even if you thought you knew it was coming it still came out of nowhere. Yes, that kind of loss. This is the loss that disables your equilibrium and sends you into a tail spin. This is traumatic loss.

Maybe it was the death of a spouse, your “better half” who was by your side for richer or poorer, through the good times and the bad which wedding vows speak of. They were your right hand, the one who took the trash out and balanced the checkbook. Maybe this was a parent who loved you even when you were flunking math and your room was knee deep in clothes. They loved you in spite of knowing all your shortcomings.

For me, it was my children’s deaths.  The ones who defined my life with purpose:  homeschooling, feeding, clothing, and bathing them. Together Scott and I poured our hearts into leading them toward the paths of righteousness. Now, I am no longer a mother of four as my job description changed in one breath, one heartbeat. I was devastated, traumatized and felt as if I could not go on. For a while my life stood still and the thought of one step at a time was too big, I had to get through each moment before going on to the next. It took time but I realized this loss was not central to my being. I could go on for the one central to my life was still there. Jesus promised though my house felt empty, though half my children no longer waked this earth, He would never leave me or forsake me. He kept His promise and He was still by my side, closer than my next breath.

No one wants to feel the pain of loss. It is traumatic when someone who was once here is no longer. If that person was the center of your life it may seem as though now there is no reason to go on. If you do go on you may want to wall yourself off from any relationship, for relationships end in pain. Our culture wants us to think we can create a shell around our hearts, letting no one in. By doing so we believe we  can avoid getting deeply hurt. Taking this position can lead to a very dangerous place. When you wall yourself off you have created a prison for no one but you.

God does not want that for us. He wants our hearts to be tender and compassionate. He gave us the solution in the very beginning, “Have no other God’s before me” (Exodus 20:3). Placing God at the center of our lives gives us a place of refuge when all else goes wrong. “Because you are my help I will sing under the shadow of your wing” (Psalm 63:7). There is comfort in knowing we are safe in God’s arms when the entire world is against us. “The Lord himself goes before you and will be with you, He will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid, do not be discouraged.” (Deuteronomy 31:8).

If you are feeling as if you lost your purpose, your center, and you cannot go on, consider putting Christ at the center of your life. He brings peace, strength, and refuge in the storm. With Christ in the center of our lives we are able to face any trial for “If God is for us who can be against us?’ (Romans 8:31). We do not have a choice whether to have trial or not. We all face storms; it is part of living on this earth. Our choice is who we go to when life is at its worst. Even when you don’t feel God, he is there.

What do you do to keep Christ in the center of your life?
 

Thanksgiving is around the next bend and I don’t know about you but I am not ready for Christmas music being played and Christmas decoration already appearing in every store, mall and street corner. The first Holiday song I heard this last week and my response surprised me, “No, not yet!!” I want this time to focus on thanking God for what I have and for all the blessings He has given me.

When the Holiday season has an empty seat at the table we need to put a little more purpose in our preparation. Today I want to share with you Joanetta  Hendel’s;

Thoughts For The Holidays

Plan ahead

Bereaved individuals who experience the most difficulty with the holiday season are those who have given little thought to the challenges they will encounter. Consider ahead of time what may be expected of you (and by you), both socially and emotionally. 

Accept your limitations

Grief consumes most of your available energy no matter what the season. The holidays place additional demands on your time and emotions. Plan to lower your expectations to accommodate your current needs. 

Make Changes

Your circumstances have changed. Expect to make necessary alterations in holiday plans to accommodate those changes. Consider changing your rituals, and/or traditions to diminish stress. Serve notice on family and friends that this year things may be somewhat different. 

Trim Down Essentials

Limit social and family commitments to suit your available energy. Shop early or use catalog sales. Re-evaluate priorities and skip unnecessary activities and obligations. 

Ask for Help and Inform Others of Your Needs

Accept offers for assistance with holiday shipping, decorating, cleaning, cooking, etc. Chances are, our loved ones are looking for ways to lessen your burden at this time of year. Allow those who car about you to offer their support in concrete ways. Give family and friends the tools they need to help you through the holidays. Be specific about your preferences and desires, and keep them up –to-date when those needs change. 

 Build in Flexibility

Learn to “play it by ear.” There is no concrete formula for learning to deal with loss. You are the foremost authority on what is best for you, and your needs may legitimately change from day to day. Accept the fluctuations that must occur when walking in unknown territory, and learn to take each moment as it comes. 

Give Yourself Permission “To Be”

Allow breathing space and expect fluctuations in mood and perspective. The bereaved work overtime. Not only is life more complicated, but also all energy is siphoned into mental and emotional resolution. Grieving is God’s way of healing the mink and heart from the greatest injury of all. So allow yourself the privilege of limping until your wounds have healed and you can learn to run again.

What have you found helpful for facing the Holidays?

 

 

 

 

 

Grieve Well, Live Well week 7 - Beauty

Surrounded by Beauty

Today I find myself lured outside on a wonderful crisp Colorado Autumn day. The music of fall sounds gently surround me, the wind chimes mix a high pitch tinkle with a lower rich melody backed up by the wind as it winds its way through the pine trees  and rustles through the golden aspen leaves translucent with the afternoon sun– a true symphony to my ears. I listen as the grasshopper clicks itself in flight and a neighbor’s dog alerts me to an intruding deer or fox. The cool fall breeze carries on it different fragrances than spring, it is of mums, marigolds and drying grasses. Peace and tranquility. The sights, sounds and smells of fall bring me healing and refreshment

When we are deep in grief it is important to surround ourselves with beauty, not equal to our sorrows but in excess. Fill your senses with a symphony whether that is a piano concerto, your favorite music or the nature around you. You might enjoy an abundance of blooms in varied colors and floral arrangements, others love a garden. I enjoy a mountain stream and wild flowers but would never turn my nose up at a beautiful bouquet of roses. Beauty is important in healing at the soul level so surround yourself with it.

What is beauty to you? Are you taking time to allow it to soak into your soul?

Today I want to break from the Grieve Well series to thank God for His faithfullness in my life. I hope you join me and recount all God has done for you. If nothing comes to mind just thank Him for who He is and His creation. It is good for our spirits to show gratitude even when we don't feel like it.

                                                                        God is Faithful

Abba, today we celebrate our 37 year anniversary, it is all for Your glory! You put us together; You led us through the rocky first year as we sorted out the announcement of both of our parents divorces. It was you who moved us to strengthen the foundation of our marriage to stand the test of time.

You rejoiced with us at Abby’s birth. You guided us through the valley of Josh and Beth’s fight with Cystic Fibrosis and it was You who brought brutal mercy on our family when you answered their prayers and took them home together. You carried us through the darkness and the great sadness as we grieved our loss, their part in our lives and the death of those dreams. You embraced Chris and dried his tears as he entered heaven’s gates and you held us as we again grieved another hole in our family tapestry. You rejoiced with us as we gave Abby’s hand in marriage to her Josh.

We, you, Scott and I have been through many fires together over the last 37 years, both forest fires that threatened our physical home as well as fiery trials which threatened our faith. “A cord of three strands is not easily broken” you have proven over and over in our lives.

You are faithful and compassionate; forgiving and merciful. You I trust with my heart, my marriage, my family and my life. You know the absolute best for us. You are worthy of all my praise. Thank you Father for your hand in my life. I love you