REGRETS
Beth ran down the stairs excited out of her skin, she gets to
ride on Josh’s new motorcycle. Everyone else had gotten a ride, well except for
dad who did not want one under any circumstance! Josh and Beth had shared
everything since she was born. She was two and a half years younger than him
but they have looked like twins for the last six years. This really irritated Josh,
he was the older brother and wasn’t afraid to correct any misconceptions. Now
he was twenty and in the Army National Guard. He seemed to have grown
taller, wiser, and older. Finally Beth was truly his ‘little sister’. I gave
Josh a hug and turned to give Beth one too but she already had her helmet on
and was swinging onto the back of the bike, she couldn’t wait. Josh gave her
some basic instructions and off they rode. Quite a pair those two, both in love
with life and the adventure it held.
That was the last time I saw them. Three miles away from
home the bike caught gravel in the middle of our little mountain road and they
crossed into oncoming traffic. In that moment they both slid through the gates
of heaven and into Jesus’ loving arms. I slid into the darkness where, over
time, I learned firsthand about God’s way of grieving, versus the worlds way. I
am often asked if I have any regrets, of course I do. I regret not giving Beth
a hug and telling them that I loved them one last time. I regret not telling
Josh to be extra careful with his sister on the back. Honestly I regret ever
giving her permission to even ride. Can I fix those regrets? No, I can’t. Does
God want me to just live with them? I don’t believe so.
Some regrets are the enemies lies, “If you were a better
mother you would have said ‘no’.” or “You are guilty for allowing her
to go, now it is your fault they are dead.” Just to name a couple possibilities. I
had a decision to make; I could accept those lies and live with the guilt and
regret. This choice would eat away at me and my peace. Or, I could release them
and follow Romans 12:18 “If it is possible, as far as it depends on you live in
peace with everyone.” Clinging to the regret or false guilt would only bring me
harm. These regrets need to be expressed. Reconciliation is needed. I needed to
speak the truth in love even when speaking it to myself. It could be
that making peace with someone who had died means writing them a letter asking
for forgiveness. Maybe it is a fresh entry in my journal expressing that regret
or false guilt, in a way getting it off my chest. I am not responsible for the
other person’s reaction, since the recipients are now walking with Christ I am doing
my part and leaving the rest up to God. At this point I have followed, “As far
as it depends on me, live in peace with everyone.”
Expressing regrets is not easy. It takes time to formulate
what the regrets are and what needs to be done to express them. This is not a
quick fix, regrets repeatedly pop their heads up like the groundhogs I just
can’t seem to get rid of in my yard. The longer it has been the less often I
need to deal with them. Some people do not have any regrets, they are fortunate
indeed. For those of us who have regrets, express them and lay them before our
Lord. He is in the business of forgiveness.
Lets review:
World’s way to grieve God’s way to grieve
Replace the loss Feel the pain, express your feelings fully
Bury the pain Review the loss, spend time in the sad places
Grieve
alone Grieve in community
Live with
regret Express regrets, seek reconciliation
What are
your regrets? How have you expressed them?
Today I find myself lured outside on a wonderful crisp
Colorado Autumn day. The music of fall sounds gently surround me, the wind
chimes mix a high pitch tinkle with a lower rich melody backed up by the wind as
it winds its way through the pine trees and rustles through the golden aspen leaves
translucent with the afternoon sun– a true symphony to my ears. I listen as the
grasshopper clicks itself in flight and a neighbor’s dog alerts me to an
intruding deer or fox. The cool fall breeze carries on it different fragrances
than spring, it is of mums, marigolds and drying grasses. Peace and
tranquility. The sights, sounds and smells of fall bring me healing and
refreshment
Beth ran down the stairs excited out of her skin, she gets to
ride on Josh’s new motorcycle. Everyone else had gotten a ride, well except for
dad who did not want one under any circumstance! Josh and Beth had shared
everything since she was born. She was two and a half years younger than him
but they have looked like twins for the last six years. This really irritated Josh,
he was the older brother and wasn’t afraid to correct any misconceptions. Now
he was twenty and in the Army National Guard. He seemed to have grown
taller, wiser, and older. Finally Beth was truly his ‘little sister’. I gave
Josh a hug and turned to give Beth one too but she already had her helmet on
and was swinging onto the back of the bike, she couldn’t wait. Josh gave her
some basic instructions and off they rode. Quite a pair those two, both in love
with life and the adventure it held. 
