Grieve Well, Live Well Week 2

Little things are BIG

             A memorial service has just concluded. The fellowship hall is crowded. The kitchen counter is overflowing with food. Fresh cut flowers dot the room in their varied colors and the blended fragrances send a pleasant aroma into the air. The beauty of the arrangements triggers the thought, deep sorrow needs intense beauty. Young children play tag weaving in and out of the chairs and groups of adults who are engaged in differing depths of conversation. The unspoken question in this room is “How can I support and be a real help for the family?”  Paul gives us the first clue on grieving well and helping the grieving.      

                                        “Mourn with those who mourn.” Romans 12:15 

                Our culture goes against what God says, it has taught us beginning very young to cry alone. Who has heard a parent say “Stop crying or I will give you something to cry about” or “If you are going to cry go to your room”. God tells us to cry together.  But what does it look like? Yes, some of us can easily cry with them but others find it more difficult.  Mourning with them does not mean we necessarily need to shed tears.  It is being with them while they mourn that is needed. A box of Kleenex is a good idea to have available, for the griever to grab. In our culture giving a person a tissue is a silent, often sub conscious, gesture which means, “now stop and dry off”.  Sitting there when there are no words said or the all-important “listening ear” is needed also. Mourning is the outward expression of deep sorrow. Not all mourning is done with tears. Jesus wept at the hoe of Mary and Martha after Lazarus died. He knew that he was goig to raise Lazarus but Lazarus would have to eventually die. I believe Jesus felt the sister's pain and he wept with them in their pain.

“Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love.”  Ephesians 4:2

            There are Mary and Martha helpers. The Martha’s cook the meals, babysit the kids or maybe clean the house. The Mary’s cry with them and listen or take the griever by the hand and lead them outside for fresh air and maybe a long possibly silent walk.  We each have an important part. The one who makes a daily phone call just to check on how things are going is just as important. Asking “How are you doing?” is very awkward but asking “How is today?” is much more realistic though each step of each day can be different.  

The time around the death and the funeral is often filled with out of town family. As this attention dwindles it is the time for the church family and friends to step up. Every grief is unique and the needs of each griever should be considered. Do not make any assumptions. Make suggestions and listen to the answers. Desires and needs change, don’t be afraid to make the same suggestion again.

Of top importance for the griever in order to grieve well is, give yourself permission to express your feelings. Feelings need to be expressed to heal. Feelings are erratic and often repetitious. Be patient with yourself and your friends and FEEL.

Throughout the grieving process the little things are BIG.

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